If you discover that your child is sexually active before you’d like, try to stay calm. You might be upset but it’s important you remain open to them. You are an important source of information.
It’s nerve-wracking for a young person when a parent or carer finds out about something like this and reacting negatively could push them away. Be supportive, listen to them and make sure they’re happy and comfortable with their decision to start having sex. Also remind them that just because they’ve started, it doesn’t mean that they have to carry on if they no longer want to.
Ask them if they’re using contraception already. Young people are often more sensible than we give them credit for. They may have already researched the options and chosen a suitable contraceptive.
If they haven’t, or are unsure or unhappy about their chosen form of contraception, let them know it’s really important they look into it further. It’s worth recommending informative websites (see resources at bottom of article) and also giving them information on where they can go to get contraception and discuss their options (below).
Where to get contraception
Contraception is free for everyone on the NHS and there are a number of places you can go to get information and/ or a prescription:
- most GP surgeries – talk to your GP or practice nurse.
- community contraception clinics.
- some genitourinary medicine (GUM) clinics.
- sexual health clinics – they also offer contraceptive and STI testing services.
- some young people's services (call the Department of Health's Sexual Health Line on 0300 123 7123 for more information).1
Forms of contraception
There are several different types of contraception, all with varying benefits and drawbacks. Being informed about all the different types means that your teen will be able to choose the best contraception for them.
- Combined pill
- Condoms (male and female)
- Contraceptive patch
- Contraceptive vaginal ring
- Diaphragms and caps
- Emergency contraception
- Natural family planning
- Progestogen-only pill (POP)
Long acting reversible contraception (LARC)
- Contraceptive implant
- Contraceptive injection
Contraception and your son
Your son might not think he needs to think too much about contraception, other than condom use, but remind him that it’s equally his responsibility and he needs to make sure he’s safe too. Men don’t get a legal say in their partner’s choice to have an abortion (or not) which can lead to a lot of distress.
He can help prevent this by making sure he’s involved in his partner’s decision on contraception. If he’s worried or embarrassed about bringing it up with his partner, remind him that they’ll likely appreciate his support and that it’s a great way to strengthen a relationship.
If your son or daughter has had unprotected sex
Let them know they’ll need to visit a sexual health clinic to check that they haven’t contracted any STIs. Remind them they’ll need to do this regularly anyway.
To protect from pregnancy there are two different types of emergency contraception. Both of them prevent the pregnancy from occurring and are not forms of abortion.
As of June 2015, the emergency contraceptive pill, EllaOne, is available to girls under 16 in any pharmacy that stocks it due to a change of licence from the European medicines agency.
The pill usually costs £25-£35. To get the emergency contraceptive pill from a pharmacy, all women have to undergo an interview with a pharmacist to determine that they fully understand how the pill works and whether they need it.
Emergency contraceptive pill
- Levonelle: Effective up to 72 hours after intercourse.
- EllaOne: Effective up to five days after intercourse.
You can get the emergency contraceptive pill from:
- Most NHS walk-in centres (England only) and minor injuries units.
- Some hospital accident and emergency departments (phone first to check).
- Most pharmacies, but you’ll probably have to pay.
If your child is gay, lesbian or bisexual, remind them that it is still important to exercise safe sex with any partner they have by using a condom and/ or dam.
Brook - Brook provides free and confidential sexual health and wellbeing services specifically for young people.
FPA Family Planning Association - Sexual health charity providing advice and support to people of all ages in the UK.
NHS - The NHS choices websites has some fantastic information on contraception.
bpas, British Pregnancy Advisory Service